Horseback Riding

Last year I took the best roadtrip to Amish country. In the course of the weekend, we stopped at a small private farm and had a guided horseback ride. The guide wanted to get to know us all a bit before he assigned us horses, and he gave me the feisty horse with a definite idea of what she did and didn't want to do. He said that he would enjoy watching us battle wills, and said he thought my personality was up for it. I don't know if I should have been flattered or offended...but I was hooked.

Ever since then, I have thought that it would be fun to take lessons. And what better place to learn to ride than the Middle East? So my second week here, I signed myself up for some lessons at Twin Palms. My teacher is a South African woman who is generally pretty rude and brusque, but at least she's consistently rude to everyone. She put me on a horse called Indy for our first lesson, and I probably would have quit after that, except for that I had prepraid for 4 lessons. It was boring, all I did was walk around the arena, and she basically ignored me while she talked on her cell phone. The only bit of excitement came at the end of the lesson when the horse tried to bite me. It had been stubborn the whole lesson, but I figured it was the starter horse used for new students, and was probably old and crotchety and halfway lame. Once she saw my skills, I was sure that I would graduate to a better horse.

And graduate I did. The next lesson I got Treffi, who I loved. Treffi responded immediately whenever I asked him to do anything. Treffi liked to trot. Treffi made me look good. And, most importantly, Treffi didn't bite. My teacher decided that we would do lunge work. (Lunge work is when the teacher puts the horse on a leash and holds the leash while the horse runs in circles.) This was all fine and well, until she decided that I was pulling on the reins too much, and took them away from me.

Anyone who knows me knows that I was not blessed with an abundance of coordination. In fact, my father likes to tell me that I have a coordination deficit. So you can imagine my life flashing before my eyes when I was left sitting on the saddle with nothing to hold on to (proper riding saddles don't have a horn). I did okay walking, but then she decided that she wanted the horse to pick up the pace a bit. And THEN she decided that she wanted me to put my arms out to my sides. I thought I was going to fall off. And I almost did. Twice. But I managed to keep my seat, and I was no worse for wear. I figured I would be jumping in no time.

But then I got Indy again. The other horses were all being used. It became apparent very quickly that Indy remembered me. And he still hated me. The feeling was mutual. He didn't do anything I asked him to do. He ignored my hard kicks. He ignored my teacher until she got out the whip. And then he was really mad and tried his best to get me off of his back. Let's just say that Indy and I have a major personality conflict. My teacher noticed. Sometimes that just happens with people and horses, she said. She assured me that I would never have to ride Indy again.

So you will understand my surprise when I show up for the next lesson and Indy is saddled and ready to go. I inform my teacher that I will not ride Indy. She tells me that he has to be ridden today, and that Treffi has a hurt leg. I tell her we will have to reschedule our lesson then, because I refuse to ride Indy. She gives me a dirty look and asks me to try one more time, and if he is not good then we will reschedule. I agree, with misgivings, and lead him to the arena. He bites me. I tell him exactly what a miserable excuse for a horse I think he is, how I am quite displeased to see him, and how I find his very presence odious. He tries to bite me again. This lesson is not going well and I am very unhappy. I finally get mounted. We do more lungework, except for this time my teacher takes away my stirrups and my reins. For all intents and purposes, I may as well have been riding bareback (okay, maybe that's a bit of a stretch). I am very worried that Indy is going to throw me off out of sheer spite. Remarkably, I stay seated. Even more remarkably, Indy actually listens when I tell him to run. Perhaps we are coming to an agreement...and then when I am taking off his reins, Indy bites me again. I would like to announce my hiatus from horseback riding lessons for right now.

This is Twin Palms, the riding stable where I take lessons. Sadly, don't have any pictures of me looking like I am trying to fly. You will have to use your imagination.
This is the horse that started it all in Amish country. And yes, I am wearing a North Face vest on top of my North Face puffer coat. Flattering, no? I only like to ride horses in extreme temperatures. If it's not 35 degrees or 135 degrees, I'm not interested.
This is how it looks when Indy tries to bite me. This is my beautiful friend Cory on our road trip. Don't worry--the horse liked her, he was just yawning. This could quite possibly be my favorite picture that I have taken. Ever.